A Particular Gift From God
A Sermon in The Other Six Days Series
Rev. Mark Schaefer
Kay Spiritual Life Center
November 13, 2005
Genesis 2:18-25; 1 Corinthians 7:1-9; Matthew 5:27-30

Genesis 2 18 ¶ Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper as his partner.” 19 So out of the ground the LORD God formed every animal of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. 20 The man gave names to all cattle, and to the birds of the air, and to every animal of the field; but for the man there was not found a helper as his partner. 21 So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then he took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. 22 And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. 23 Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; this one shall be called Woman, for out of Man this one was taken.” 24 Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and clings to his wife, and they become one flesh. 25 And the man and his wife were both naked, and were not ashamed.

1 Corinthians 7 1 ¶ Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is well for a man not to touch a woman.” 2 But because of cases of sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. 3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another except perhaps by agreement for a set time, to devote yourselves to prayer, and then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 This I say by way of concession, not of command. 7 I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has a particular gift from God, one having one kind and another a different kind.
8 ¶ To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is well for them to remain unmarried as I am. 9 But if they are not practicing self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to be aflame with passion.

Matthew 5 27 ¶ “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away; it is better for you to lose one of your members than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away; it is better for you to lose one of your members than for your whole body to go into hell.

I. BEGINNING

I really don’t want to have to preach this sermon. I have dreaded this day ever since the Social Justice Committee picked the topics of our “The Other Six Days” months last spring. Personally, I would have been gladder had they picked a topic like health care, or workers’ rights, or the environment, or my favorite topic: D.C. voting rights. But no, they had to go and pick sexuality.

They had to go and pick the one topic about which there is more consternation, more debate, more confusion, more moralizing, and more ignorance than any other. And they expect me to preach about it. Thanks a lot. I fear I am not smart enough, or even wise enough, to do justice to this topic.

But of course, part of the problem with our reflection on sexuality from a Christian perspective is that we never actually take the time in church to talk about it. We’re embarrassed by it. It’s not something ‘polite’ to talk about. And so it becomes very difficult for committed, thinking Christians to know how they are supposed to approach the topic, and we wind up taking more of our cues from the popular culture than we do offer the popular culture a different way of thinking. And so, it is not a topic we are going to avoid, as much as I would like to talk to you about something easy, like “Questions of Pauline Christology and Its Relation to Christian Anthropology against the Backdrop of Jewish Restoration Eschatology”. Instead, we’ll talk about sex.

II. BLESSING OR CURSE

Historically, of course, Christians have not always had a very positive attitude toward sexuality, something we did not inherit from Judaism, which has a more positive assessment. In Western Christianity, our attitudes about sexuality have been shaped by the writings of St. Augustine of Hippo.

A. Augustine

St. Augustine was a colorful and influential figure in the ancient church. His writings have become the basis of much of Catholic theology and then through Lutheranism (Luther was an Augustinian monk), on Protestantism as well. Prior to his conversion, Augustine had a fairly active love life. He sowed more than his share of wild oats. He described this compulsion most famously in his prayer, “Lord, make me chaste…but not yet.”

Most important for us, however, is his biblical interpretation. When struggling to understand Original Sin and its transmission from generation to generation, Augustine concluded that it was passed down through sex. Personally, I think this explanation has more to do with Augustine’s own guilty conscience than it has to do with a close reading of the Biblical text.

As a result, Christians have often had a fairly negative view of sexuality, considering it an inherently sinful act, whose sinfulness could only be mitigated by the propagation of the species through the creation of children, and thus the fulfillment of the Biblical command to “be fruitful and multiply.”

B. Genesis and Shame

And yet, the scriptures themselves do not seem to take such a negative view. As we read earlier in Genesis:

“Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and clings to his wife, and they become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked, and were not ashamed.”

The implication here is that our sexuality is a gift of God, a natural part of God’s good creation. A natural part of ourselves. Adam and Eve were not ashamed because there was no reason to be—our sexuality was created by God.

This is the sentiment that is shared in the “Other Good Book”, by which, I mean of course, The Book of Discipline of The United Methodist Church (2004). In the Social Principles of the Church, found in that book, we read:

We recognize that sexuality is God’s good gift to all persons. We believe persons may be fully human only when that gift is acknowledged and affirmed by themselves, the church, and society. We call all persons to the disciplined, responsible fulfillment of themselves, others, and society in the stewardship of this gift. (Social Principles, ¶161 G)

III. THE MYSTERY AND POWER

So, the Bible says sexuality is a good gift of God and The United Methodist Church agrees. If only we could end there and be on our way… but of course we cannot. The Social Principles continue:

We also recognize our limited understanding of this complex gift and encourage the medical, theological, and social science disciplines to combine in a determined effort to understand human sexuality more completely. We call the Church to take the leadership role in bringing together these disciplines to address this most complex issue. Further, within the context of our understanding of this gift of God, we recognize that God challenges us to find responsible, committed, and loving forms of expression

Our sexuality is a mystery to us. One that has tremendous power over us. And with anything that has such power—whether it is six pounds of plutonium or the power of political office—prudence demands that we tread lightly. It is not something we can afford to be cavalier about any more than we could about anything of great power. Too many people, including ourselves, get hurt when instruments of great power are treated casually. There is simply too much at stake.

A. Casual Sex

Perhaps this is one of the areas of the greatest disconnect in our culture. Because the popular culture promotes a message that is at odds with most people’s experience in this issue. The popular culture would have you believe that sexuality is something we can be casual with. Something we can take for granted, and use however we wish. It belongs to us and is yet another of the many ways in which we can engage in the ‘pursuit of happiness.’ And yet so many people know that that is not true.

Our sexuality has power. It is not possible to have a relationship, introduce sex into the equation, and leave the relationship unchanged. Because sex has such power, it creates intimacy—it does not simply reflect intimacy. And so two individuals may go into something, believing themselves to be casual, only to discover that one or the other or both, now have different feelings afterward. And these things very often result in people getting hurt.

Quite simply, our sexuality is too powerful a gift to use in a reckless manner. We find that we can be far more reckless with this gift—which has the potential to create life—than we would be if someone were to give us a brand new car. That, we would treat with respect and care. But we are encouraged on a daily basis, to treat the gift of sexuality as though it were cheap and easily fixable if broken.

We are aware of the power of sexuality, of course. But only in as much as we know that through the manipulation of sex we can get people to do things. Usually, to buy things.

We use sex to sell everything. Explicitly or implicitly. If it’s not the bikini clad twins in a hot tub selling you beer, it’s the implied message that without Product X you won’t be the complete individual you need to be, you’ll be less sexually attractive and therefore, less likely to find a mate.

Christians should not be silent when it comes to the exploitation of sex this way. Perhaps because of our embarrassment, we have been reluctant to claim sex as something that belongs to us and have abandoned it to the likes of Hollywood and Madison Avenue. But we should be steadfast in our belief that our sexuality is God’s good gift and an inherent part of our fully human identity. We should be able to join with the Social Principles in declaring:

We deplore all forms of the commercialization and exploitation of sex, with their consequent cheapening and degradation of human personality… (Social Principles, ¶161 G)

IV. IDEAL AND REAL

Because we have to acknowledge that as Christians, we are not beholden to the way things are, but the way things ought to be. Part of our Christian identity is in the recognition that we owe our allegiance not to the ways of the world but to Christ. It means that we cannot affirm everything the world would have us affirm:

Although all persons are sexual beings whether or not they are married, sexual relations are only clearly affirmed in the marriage bond. Sex may become exploitative within as well as outside marriage. We reject all sexual expressions that damage or destroy the humanity God has given us as birthright, and we affirm only that sexual expression that enhances that same humanity. We believe that sexual relations where one or both partners are exploitative, abusive, or promiscuous are beyond the parameters of acceptable Christian behavior and are ultimately destructive to individuals, families, and the social order. (Social Principles, ¶161 G)

The church has always maintained that sex is most clearly affirmed in the marital bond. We have long believed that sexuality in the context of loving, committed relationships is the best use of the powerful gift that God has given us. It is a position that the church is not about to waver on. This principle has, time and time again, been lifted up as the ideal toward which we should strive, regardless of what the world tells us is acceptable.

A. Paul and Celibacy

What is interesting, is that for some in the Christian tradition, not even sex within marriage was a high enough ideal.

Paul follows in the traditional Jewish understanding of sex within marriage as a good thing and a marital obligation between husband and wife. He notes that husband and wife ought not to deny each other conjugal rights—unless they have agreed to a time without them for prayer and discipline—“in order that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control”. Presumably, he means, so that you don’t look elsewhere for sexual gratification and break your bond of fidelity. But what’s even more curious, is that he seems to believe that even allowing sex within a marriage is a “concession”.

To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is well for them to remain unmarried as I am. 9 But if they are not practicing self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to be aflame with passion.

He notes that he wishes that all were as he could be—that is, celibate—but each has a ‘particular gift from God’—his, seemingly, the ability to control desire and live a life of celibacy. Paul tells us that marriage is not a negative, it just is not the ideal state—that being celibacy. (Now, it should be noted that Paul expected the world to end at any moment, so that may certainly have colored his view about celibacy, at least as a long-term policy for the church).

B. What the Church Requires of its Clergy

Certainly the Catholic Church agrees when it comes to its clergy. The Orthodox Church believes that if you are married when you’re ordained, you can stay married, but that if you are single, you are expected to be celibate once you’re ordained. The Protestant Churches allow their pastors to both be married and to get married. But that doesn’t mean the church is without expectations when it comes to its pastors sexuality. United Methodist clergy are required to exhibit “fidelity in marriage and celibacy in singleness” as an example of maintaining the “highest ideals of the Christian life”. ¶ 335(6) Failure to uphold these ideals is a chargeable offense against clergy in my denomination, so seriously do we take this issue.

What we understand about our Christian faith, whether we agree with Paul’s statement that we all ought to be celibate, or with the traditionally held view that sex is only clearly affirmed within committed, loving relationships, we understand that more is expected of us as Christians when it comes to our sexuality.

V. GUILT AND SHAME

A. Jesus and the Lustful Heart

It seems too that Jesus is calling us to that higher standard. As you recall from tonight’s New Testament lesson Jesus says, “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

Commentators have looked at Jesus’ statement that “everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart” in a number of different ways.

Some commentators have noted that Jesus uses this teaching to challenge the predatory patriarchal behavior of men, and to challenge Christians to have a different male-female way of relating to one another. That’s an interesting way of looking at it, and certainly gets around the whole guilt about sex problem.

Most often you hear commentators saying that Jesus ups the requirements of the Jewish law. Where Judaism forbade committing adultery, Jesus adds to the list of sins thinking about committing adultery. Thus, Jesus internalizes the requirements of the Torah. That is, just as Paul has upped the ideal of Christian sexual expression by lifting up celibacy, Jesus ups the expectation by applying it to our intentions as well as our actions.

But I think there’s another way of looking at this text.

VI. GRACE AND RESPONSE

A. Criminalization of Sex

I don’t think Jesus’ intent was to create a whole new class of spiritual crimes relating to sex. Sometimes I think the church has its mind in the gutter because it seems so focused on sins revolving around sexuality. It often seems like the Church spends all its time thinking about sex and obsessing over all the things people are doing wrong with sexuality. I don’t know how sex became the number one sin in a world full of greed, violence, murder, exploitation, oppression, and idolatry, but somehow it has. But I don’t think Jesus is adding to the list of sexual wrongs.

B. Judgmentalism

In fact what I think Jesus is doing is reminding us not to judge others too harshly. I don’t think he’s saying, “Committing adultery is a sin and now thinking about committing adultery is a sin.” Rather, I think he’s saying, “You who would judge those who commit adultery, do you not realize that you are no less guilty because you lust after women in your hearts?”

C. God’s Intention

It is a reminder that we all fall short of God’s intention for us. And not just in terms of our sexuality, either. In every conceivable way, we fall short of the intention that God has for us. We fall short in our compassion. We fall short in our fidelity to one another. We fall short in our taking care of the most defenseless in society. We fall short in our care for the Creation. We fall short in our resistance to greed and idolatry. We fall short in our commitments to justice. We fall short in loving our neighbor as ourselves. And we fall short in loving ourselves.
The brokenness in our sexuality is yet another way we fall short. Our failure “to find responsible, committed, and loving forms of expression” is more evidence of our brokenness in all the ways God intends for us.

VII. END

I really didn’t want to preach this sermon. But upon reflection, it’s really the same as every other sermon I preach: a message of the Grace of God and our response to that Grace.

Through the Cross and the Empty Tomb, God has acted decisively in our lives, offering the free gift of salvation to all. The Christian understanding of sexuality is not something we lift up as new law. It is not something we lift up in order to punish those who do not, or cannot, live up to it. It is something we lift up as a response to the grace we have already received. It is the ideal. The goal. The mark we set for ourselves as Christians. It does not mean that every Christian will be able to live in conformity with those ideals. Nor does this mean that because of that all bets are off and we can do whatever we like. In the words of St. Paul, “Should we continue in sin so that grace may abound? By no means!” What it does mean is that in spite of our brokenness, in spite of our failings to live up to the highest ideals of our Christian life, God still loves us, and still seeks to be in relationship with us, and will give us the grace to reach for the goal.

There are still lingering questions. What expressions of sexuality are appropriate and when? Does God disapprove of every expression of sexuality prior to the marital bond? I don’t know—I cannot claim to know the mind of God. All I know that as we wrestle with the complex issues of our human sexuality and of its relationship to our Christian identity, we do so in relationship with a God of grace, who seeks our welfare, who seeks our wholeness, and who seeks us to live in right relationship with God and with one another with every aspect of our being.