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With One Heart: Love and Romance
Rev. Mark Schaefer
Kay Spiritual Life Center
February 11, 2007
Genesis 29:15-30; Song of Solomon 1:1-3, 2:8-3:5

Genesis 29:15   Then Laban said to Jacob, "Because you are my kinsman, should you therefore serve me for nothing? Tell me, what shall your wages be?" 16 Now Laban had two daughters; the name of the elder was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel. 17 Leah's eyes were lovely, and Rachel was graceful and beautiful. 18 Jacob loved Rachel; so he said, "I will serve you seven years for your younger daughter Rachel." 19 Laban said, "It is better that I give her to you than that I should give her to any other man; stay with me." 20 So Jacob served seven years for Rachel, and they seemed to him but a few days because of the love he had for her.

21   Then Jacob said to Laban, "Give me my wife that I may go in to her, for my time is completed." 22 So Laban gathered together all the people of the place, and made a feast. 23 But in the evening he took his daughter Leah and brought her to Jacob; and he went in to her. 24 (Laban gave his maid Zilpah to his daughter Leah to be her maid.) 25 When morning came, it was Leah! And Jacob said to Laban, "What is this you have done to me? Did I not serve with you for Rachel? Why then have you deceived me?" 26 Laban said, "This is not done in our country--giving the younger before the firstborn. 27 Complete the week of this one, and we will give you the other also in return for serving me another seven years." 28 Jacob did so, and completed her week; then Laban gave him his daughter Rachel as a wife. 29 (Laban gave his maid Bilhah to his daughter Rachel to be her maid.) 30 So Jacob went in to Rachel also, and he loved Rachel more than Leah. He served Laban for another seven years.

Song 1:1   The Song of Songs, which is Solomon's.

2             Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth!
            For your love is better than wine,
3                         your anointing oils are fragrant,
            your name is perfume poured out;
                        therefore the maidens love you.
2:8                The voice of my beloved!
                        Look, he comes,
            leaping upon the mountains,
                        bounding over the hills.
9             My beloved is like a gazelle
                        or a young stag.
            Look, there he stands
                        behind our wall,
            gazing in at the windows,
                        looking through the lattice.
10             My beloved speaks and says to me:
            "Arise, my love, my fair one,
                        and come away;
11             for now the winter is past,
                        the rain is over and gone.
12             The flowers appear on the earth;
                        the time of singing has come,
            and the voice of the turtledove
                        is heard in our land.
13             The fig tree puts forth its figs,
                        and the vines are in blossom;
                        they give forth fragrance.
            Arise, my love, my fair one,
                        and come away.
14             O my dove, in the clefts of the rock,
                        in the covert of the cliff,
            let me see your face,
                        let me hear your voice;
            for your voice is sweet,
                        and your face is lovely.
15             Catch us the foxes,
                        the little foxes,
            that ruin the vineyards--
                        for our vineyards are in blossom."
16                My beloved is mine and I am his;
                        he pastures his flock among the lilies.
17             Until the day breathes
                        and the shadows flee,
            turn, my beloved, be like a gazelle
                        or a young stag on the cleft mountains.
3:1                Upon my bed at night
                        I sought him whom my soul loves;
            I sought him, but found him not;
                        I called him, but he gave no answer.
2             "I will rise now and go about the city,
                        in the streets and in the squares;
            I will seek him whom my soul loves."
                        I sought him, but found him not.
3             The sentinels found me,
                        as they went about in the city.
            "Have you seen him whom my soul loves?"
4             Scarcely had I passed them,
                        when I found him whom my soul loves.
            I held him, and would not let him go
                        until I brought him into my mother's house,
                        and into the chamber of her that conceived me.
5             I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem,
                        by the gazelles or the wild does:
            do not stir up or awaken love
                        until it is ready!

 

I. BEGINNING--AN ELUSIVE SAINT

So.   Wednesday is Valentine's Day.   Saint Valentine's Day, actually, which raises the question: how exactly did a Christian saint become associated with a holiday that celebrates love and romance, candy hearts and chocolates?

It is not certain who the saint at the heart--no pun intented--of Valentine's Day was. There are at least two individuals named Valentine who might be the figure in question. One Valentine was a Roman priest who died in AD 269 under Emperor Claudius II Gothicus. He was executed for helping Christian martyrs. He refused to renounce his faith and became a martyr himself, being beaten to death and beheaded. According to tradition, this happened on February 14th. A second candidate is a bishop from central Italy who was executed in Rome. Other traditions hold that both men also performed marriages that were considered illegal because they occurred during a time of war.

In AD 469, Pope Gelasius set February 14th as the feast day to honor this Christian martyr and saint. St. Valentine was said to have suffered from epilepsy and so became the patron saint of those who suffer epilepsy.

Now, the association with romance, as it turns out, probably has more to do with a Roman pagan festival called the Lupercalia or the Februarca--a "Feast of Purification" on the 15 th of February. Associated with the coming of spring, it was a celebration intended to ensure the fertility of flocks, fields, and people. It's not a big jump from fertility to romance.

And so, probably as a result of the conflating of a holiday about fertility and a feast day to commemorate a saint who had been persecuted for performing marriages, the Feast of St. Valentine became a holiday associated with romance and it was not long before St. Valentine would be identified as the patron saint of lovers.

II. LOVE AND ROMANCE

Unfortunately, this story only confirms in some people's minds that the relationship between romantic love and Christian faith is at best an uneasy one, at worst, a forced relationship.  

The role of love and romance in the life of a Christian has always been a little problematic.   This is due in no small measure to the language that has been used to talk about love.

A.  The Greek Problem

For you will often hear it told that Greek has three words for love: eros, philia, and agape.   Agape gets all the press.   We're told that agape love is the kind of love that Jesus has for us, that God has for Christ, that we are meant to have for one another.   It is a sacrificial love, a noble love--a high love.   We'll talk about agape next week.

But suffice it to say that agape is traditionally viewed as superior to the other forms of love: eros --erotic or romantic love, and philia --fondness, affection, friendship love.   Agape shows up 278 times in the New Testament, philia under 10 times, eros not at all.   It's almost like the New Testament doesn't contemplate romantic love at all.

B. Nature

Which seems odd--love and romance are certainly natural phenomena.   Far from being something beneath our human nature, they seem central to our human nature--and to all nature.   And while the traditional talk of "the birds and the bees" used to teach children about sex is not the most romantic story, there is plenty of evidence that the creatures of nature feel emotions akin to love.   One report out of Thailand details the story of Plai Aek and Paang Mai, two elephants, separated by 80 years in age, who defying all expectations, "fell in love" and started a family together.

And then there is this report from the National Geographic:

February 14, 2006-- Nam Choke, an eight-year-old male Asian elephant (left), and Boonrawd, a seven-year-old female, form a heart shape with their trunks at an elephant camp in Ayutthaya, Thailand, on February 12.
Like others in the camp, the elephants are domesticated and may perform chores such as giving rides to tourists. But even in the wild, creatures are often seen making displays of what look like pure animal affection.
Female gorillas, for example, cradle their young in their arms as human mothers do. Cranes engage in courtship rituals so elegant that scientists call them dances. And lots of animals, from coyotes to common pigeons, mate for life.
But do animals really love each other?
Most scientists agree that creatures of all kinds share bonds of trust, companionship, and intimacy.
But whether there's love in the wild heart is something that may never be measured. "Love is almost impossible to prove," says Victoria Horner, animal behaviorist at Emory University in Atlanta, Georgia, in National Geographic Kids magazine.
http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2006/02/0214_060214_animal_love.html

But Christians have always been suspicious of romantic love, no matter how "natural" it is--perhaps even because of how natural it is.

III. ROMANCE IN THE BIBLE

Even when that love appears in the Bible.   Perhaps, especially when.

A. The love of the Beloved

The Song of Solomon is one of the most beautiful love poems in literature.   It's a little hard to access because of the pastoral, rustic imagery that it employs--imagery that is a little out of step with our modern existence.   But, make no mistake: this is a love song: and at times an incredibly erotic poem.   In passages that we did not read earlier, the lovers praise one another's beauty, often mentioning features that are rarely mentioned--if ever--in church.   We didn't read them tonight because it's hard for me to preach when I am blushing that much.

Indeed, the whole Church has blushed a lot over this song.   Taking their cue from the rabbis who had to deal with this text first, the leaders of the ancient church decided to include this text in the canon of scripture, in spite of its lack of mention of God and its clearly erotic message.   They did so by claiming that the love song was symbolic of God's love for Israel/Christ's love for the Church.

Whew.   That was a close one.   We almost had a book about love and romance in the Bible.   Thank God the rabbis and the Church Fathers knew better than that.   It's really just another theological tract.

B. Jacob's Love for Rachel

Not as easy to make that argument with the story of Jacob in the Book of Genesis.   We encounter Jacob just after he has arrived in the land of his ancestors, looking for a wife and on the run from his brother Esau whom he has just tricked out of not only his birthright but his blessing.  

He encounters his mother's brother Laban and Laban's daughter Rachel, whom the text describes as "graceful and beautiful."   Jacob is immediately smitten.  

In the arrangement that he makes with Laban, he agrees to work for Laban for seven years in order to receive Rachel's hand in marriage.   And so, Jacob works for seven years.   At the end of his term, he demands Laban fulfill his end of the bargain.   And so a wedding is held and the wine flows freely, and when Jacob wakes up the next morning, he discovers that the woman in bed with him is not Rachel, but her sister Leah.   Laban has tricked him into marrying Rachel's older sister.   Laban does allow Jacob to marry Rachel a week later--after he has spent the bridal week with Leah--but at a price.   Jacob will have to work another seven years for Laban.   Which he does.

Amidst all the complicated relationships and elements at work in this story, one thing stands out clearly: Jacob's love of Rachel.   It is a powerful romantic love.   Powerful enough that he is willing to work for 14 years in order to be with the woman he loves.   Say what you will, but that's romantic.

It is Rachel who is Jacob's favorite and Joseph, the first-born son to Jacob and Rachel, even though younger than almost all of Jacob's other children, will become Jacob's favorite.   It will be this same Joseph who will save his brothers when he is a high official in Egypt years later.

And so, while not everything that Jacob does is validated by scripture: he certainly does a lot that the narrator disapproves of--there is no disapproval of Jacob's love for Rachel.  

IV. WITH ONE HEART

Perhaps it is no accident that while in the Greek of the New Testament there are three words for love, in the Hebrew of the Old Testament there is only one.   The love that Jacob feels for Rachel and the love that Jacob has for God are loved with the same heart.   Each has a place in the life of the person of faith.  

Christians need not be embarrassed by romantic love, but should embrace it as yet another way in which the love of God can be known and experienced.  

And there is something else important to note, especially at this time of year when the advertising for Valentine's Day can be downright obnoxious--especially if you're single.   The kind of love that the Greeks called philia, friendship love, fondness, and affection, is no less important.   Through it, too, does one get a glimpse of the love of God.   All the various manifestations of love are loved with the same heart and are representative of the same love of God.

V. TENDING THE VINEYARD OF LOVE

The more we reflect on these texts and what they mean, the more we come to understand that there are important lessons to be learned:

Love cannot be forced.   Laban tried to trick Jacob into marrying a woman other than the woman he loved, and while Jacob wound up with one more bride, he did not wind up with one more lover.   Leah would complain--not unsympathetically--that she was "unloved" by Jacob, a word that can mean not-preferred, but can also mean exactly what it says: unloved.   Love comes or it does not--but it cannot be forced.  

Love involves the whole person. The Song of Songs challenges us because it is so celebratory of and delighting in the physical side of love. It begins: "Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth".   The Song of Songs does not deny or in any way diminish the human need for physical contact and communion with one another.   It does not reject physical attraction or the more erotic side of love.  

Yet for all its directness, and celebration of the physical, it does not end there.   It lifts up the important of loving one another's hearts not just one another's bodies.   In its playfulness, it's dialogues, riddles, and conversations, it places as much emphasis on communication as it does on attraction.   It emphasizes patience, getting to know one another as whole persons.

Love must be tended.   Jacob shows that he is willing to work fourteen years in order to be with the woman he loves.   The lover and the beloved of the Song of Songs spend time seeking one another out and waiting for their love to ripen.   It reminds us that lovers cannot take their love for granted.   It, like a relationship with God, must be worked at.  

Romantic love for another person and love for God are loved with one heart.   They are both expressions of the love with which God so loves us.   That love is powerful, and dangerous, and not easily domesticated.   It is intoxicating, the way that the springtime is, that "season of singing" alluded to in the poem.   And it is a gift.

Wednesday is Valentine's Day.   A day on which we will be told time and time again that love is measured by the carat.   A day like so many others: commercialized beyond recognition.   For the Christian, love is debased not when it is romantic, but when it is clinical.   When it is commercial.

Imagine if we claimed back Valentine's Day for the Church.   Imagine if we claimed romantic love and faithful love as loves loved by one heart.   What might that do for our understanding of human romance?   How might that vest that romance with a spiritual significance all but ignored by modern greeting card and jewelry companies?  

But more to the point--what would that say about the love of God?   Although earlier commentators may have diminished the power of romantic love by insisting that the Song of Songs was about God rather than about the love between two people--what do we learn about God if we imagine such an understanding?   We might come to better understand a God who loves us passionately--recklessly, even.   With the same passion, the same fire, the same heart as of the lover and his beloved.  

That's an understanding of God and of love that could change not only our Valentine's Days, but our whole lives.

Notes
NIB, Vol. 5, p. 395

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Copyright © 2007. Mark A. Schaefer.

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